This is my heart, mind and soul in writing. I'm a seeker and a searcher. I hunger, I long and I ache. I'm a broken woman, poor in spirit. I have a thankful heart. Believe in Jesus. Love to love and hate to hate. I am captivated by beauty. Strive to be as open and real as I can. Some of my journey is here, in words and creativity.
I've been tellin the kids about Joseph. And every time I get to the end of the story, I feel like I could cry. I'm telling the story, and I am going through all this anguish with Joseph. All these incidents and situations blind siding him. I'm lookin at the kids and they too are really feelin for him as I'm telling them about all thes...e unfair, unfortunate things that are happening to him. When I get to the end, I ask them...how do you think Joseph treated his brothers when they came back? We all look at each other. And I could feel and know the two sides that are being pondered in their minds. The human side, that wants to treat them bad. They hurt him! They caused him to go through all that. But then there's God's side. And they know somehow that after all that, Joseph has God in him. So they respond by telling me, that he accepts them and feeds them. And I'm like "how beautiful is that?" We're all blown away by Joseph's forgiveness. And how he went through all that for a purpose. In the end being what his brothers needed. Loving them still. How? Because in all that suffering, God's heart was formed in him. It had to have been. Because without God's heart in him, Joseph could have never forgave them. He never turned away from God. And I'm sure at times He felt like God had turned away from him. But He didn't. God loved Joseph and He loved the people that Joseph was able to save during the famine. Especially his family. Here's to Joseph's endurance and God's unconditional Love! And to the children who are falling in love with their Maker! : )
This is what my heart looks like...3/7/11 Change. How incredibly uncomfortable, yet so refreshingly beautiful. Thinking of a baby bird that just hatched. How scarey! Everything is all big and bright compared to the dark, warm egg. But his only option is to one day fly. It has to overcome any fear. And flap those wings and just do it. And once it does, it won't be sorry. He'll fall in love with the sky and never want to leave it. No limits. No restrictions. Such hope. Even when you can't imagine how good it will feel to fly compared to staying safe of the ground, you know you were always meant to do it. So you jump.
"But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart.
Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away.
Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is LIBERTY."
-2 cor 3:15-17
Let's turn! And breathe easy.... ...Let's let Him break chains off of us so others will see. And turn to Him too!
Yehovah is Yasha! : )
Yesterday night, I was sitting in my truck at the park reading a book. I had a CD playing low so I could concentrate on what I was reading. My mind can't handle both (no joke!), but I wanted music playing. The CD that was in, was the Facing The Giants soundtrack. I picked it up the day before at a Half Price Books, after months of looking for it in Wal-marts and Targets. Perfect. Timing! I got it for five bucks AND there was a certain song that reached out at me and spoke straight to my heart while I was sitting there in the truck. My heart's ears perked up as the song was playing and I stopped reading to listen. It was the part in the song about David. As I kept listening, my heart kept soaking it up. It was like, through the song, God reached out His hands and embraced me. It was an addition to Hope. It's still in my breath. And ofcourse, I'm real thankful for it, and want to share. We are endlessly bullied all the time ("endlessly" and "all the time" are the same thing aren't they??) Not just by others naturally, but by ourselves. Giants want to oppress us. Beat us up. Knock us down. And hold us there. I have struggled with oppression a lot in the past year or so. I know I'm not the only one. I also know what our Hope is. No matter how hard it feels to get up, His hand is always there reaching for ours. We just have to reach up and grab it. And let Him breath in us. We have to let Him destroy our view of ourselves. We have to let Him show and tell us who we really are. And as our view starts to change, so do we. His Strength is made perfect in weakness! (2cor 12).
Here's to grabbing on to His Hand!
Here's to an ever growing relationship between Him and us!
Here's to sometimes needing help!
And here's to taking it!
Here is to His Strength being made perfect in our weakness!
Really thankful for The Voice of Truth.
-MLB
See lyrics and hear video below.
P.s. I chose this video on youtube because while I was watching this movie, I wanted to get the soundtrack right away. It's a low budget movie, but it is SO touching! I love the way God moves and I love the way Faith is being built in all kinds of different ways. Am I promoting the movie too? Yeah. lol. At the beginning you might think "this aint that great." By the middle you will want to keep watching. And by the end you might be tearing up, maybe even bawling your eyes out. I HIGHLY suggest you give it a chance.
Voice of Truth/ By Casting Crowns
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth
On Saturday nights, we meet in Arlington for a "house" bible study. And though I totally look forward for the day that I am with the masses, I thoroughly enjoy "house" bible studies. They are so relaxed and intimate. The pastor doesn't feel far away. I like that. And a lot of the people feel like family. Which I love.
(Since this is my blog, I can say whatever I want, and I really want to say this before I go on!)
I want to say that I just love my pastor (and his family). I am so thankful for him. I can't express in words to the Lord, how grateful I am that He led me to him. I adore his heart and hunger. I love his passion for the Lord. It's like a fanning to my flame. I fall in love with the revelation that he releases EVERY time. He brings the Lord to me time and time again in such a beautiful way. So I just want to say that I feel really blessed to have him over me. He has been a pastor to me, a friend and a big brother (his wife too!! and I absolutely love their children.) He has truly been a shepherd. And I say this because (1) This is "I like your heart" series. (2) I am about to write about a word released by him ast night, so I wanted to paint a picture of my relationship with him. He's great. The Lord is making him great. You know when Paul says "follow me as I follow Christ."? I get it. Because I love the Lord in Him. I love the spiritual fruit that I see. I love his heart that I know it's more and more the Lords. And I want that for myself. Not exact. We all have different anointings and giftings. But it's the hunger and passion and love. The confidence in his relationship with the Lord.
And I just want to say to all of you, that if you don't see fruit in your pastors life...if your pastor, man or woman, doesn't set you on fire for the Lord, by the revelation he releases, you should really rethink the system you are in. The word of God awakens. It opens your eyes and ears to Jesus Christ. And begins to transform you into His bride. Who starts to look like Him more and more as a relationship grows. It shouldn't be dead. At all. The Holy Spirit is alive. And if He is in your pastor and your pastor is in submission to the Holy Spirit and not his own mind, there should be a change happening within you. And then you should be beginning to develop a relationship with the Lord in your life everyday. It doesn't just stay at "church". It's your life. I'm just saying that because I want everyone to experience Jesus in a greater way. I really do.
Last night Pastor Wayland, released a word on the New Testament vs. The Old Testament. He wasn't AT ALL saying that the Old Testament is done away with. But that the New Testament reveals what the Old Testament was always meant to be. He got into 2 Cor 3. Talking about how their was/is a veil over the Old Testament. And with that veil on, the Israelites took what the Lord was trying to reveal to them literally. For instance....building a tabernacle for the Lord to dwell in. They missed it. Because what the Lord was trying to show them was, that they were to be the tabernacle that He dwelt in. But they built a natural tabernacle. Which I don't know if that was necessarily wrong. But that's where they stopped. They didn't see a picture of themselves. Also in 2 cor 3 Paul was revealing that WE are supposed to be The Book written on. Our hearts are supposed to be written on by the Holy Spirit. Others are supposed to see Jesus Christ written on our hearts. We are supposed to be "the message". The Bible was never meant to be something we just read. Or something we just get "knowledge" out of. It was never meant to be just words. Or something that sits on the shelf. That we pick up sometimes when we feel like. It was always supposed to be JESUS. The revelation of who He is. It's supposed to be alive. It was supposed to be written on people. So now we have to allow the Holy Spirit to remove the veils off of our minds, our eyes and ears. We have to allow the Holy Spirit to undress Jesus to us. And allow the revelation of what the Holy Spirit reveals to be written on our hearts. Not just knowledge in our minds. But experiencing who He is. In our lives. The Lord was trying to reveal Jesus to them, then. But they missed it. He doesn't want us to miss it anymore. He doesn't want us to go on without Him. He doesn't want to be on pages anymore. He wants to be in our hearts. He wants every false image of Himself to perish. Because that leads people to spiritual death. And natural destruction. And just because you might feel "ok" in your life right now, do you think that's all that God has for you? Not just naturally, but spiritually. A satisfaction for your soul that will go on into eternity. And just because you might feel "ok", there is ugly darkness all over the world, that the Lord doesn't desire to be here. Rape, molestation. Slavery. Suicide. Depression. Oppression. Stress that leads to physical illness. CANCER. Children being tortured and abused. Orphans. People ALL OVER feeling unloved and unwanted. Woman being taken, drugged and the sold for sex. That's NOT His desire. He wants to turn things back around from the first Adam. It's time for the second Adam. Not a fallen mankind. But a resurrected mankind. We have to wonder what we are ruled by. What moves us. What's in our minds and hearts? And the thing is, He wants to be that. Because the world looks like what rules us as mankind. He wants us to be His throne. I can't even fathom His desire for us. I can't at all. I want to! Because if I can understand that more and feel it, I know I will desire others more. I will want them as if He does. And it will drive me. To allow Him to rule in me. To write on me. And I can live showing people who Jesus really is. Giving them Life. Bringing them to safety. Loving them. Really, really loving them. Compassion for their souls. Our arms, His.
Because seriously? How can we just sit back being "ok" when others aren't. How is that even right? Don't we want to give? Don't we want to do something about it? We can!!! We can give ourselves to Jesus. Yehovah is Yasha (to be open, wide or free. To be safe. Free or Succor. Deliver. Help. Preserve. Rescue. Salvation. Save (-iour). Get victory. To be liberated. To save from moral troubles.) And we can work with Him. We can't do it on our own. And we need Him where we're not really "ok". And where we are confused. Or unsure. Or stuck. Where we feel like we just can't do "it". Whatever "it" may be. It's ok. Of course we can't do "it". That's where He comes in. That's where we say...I give up! I need You!! We can allow Him to Love on us. And breathe His Life in us. We can allow Him to put His salve on our wounds. To heal us and restore us. To help us forgive. To soften our hearts where they are rock hard. We can allow Him to shatter all we think that isn't His reality. So we can see Him clearly and know Him like we know our best friends. And bring that into the world. So darkness can be defeated. It's possible and it's gonna happen. It has happened, it is happening and going to happen in a greater way. He ended with this. "Jesus didn't die for us to go to Heaven, but for Heaven to come to Earth."
I was thinkin one day at nap time..."every day these kids can experience the Lord through me." I want that! They deserve that. They need that. Ya know? But it's not just kids that need it. God knows, I need it...
I promise you this isn't to any, one.
It's just my heart.
It's not all of his message from last night. But it's pieces of it along with my heart.
It's a cruel world. Even though sometimes we don't like to acknowledge it. And anything can happen at any given moment. It's a scary thought. But not so scary with Him. Not so scary with Faith. The evidence and substance of Him in your life.
Let the Bride of Christ arise.
And show the world Light and Love.
My own food for thought. 2/6/11. Blow the roof off!
This is something I was thinking of yesterday when I was laying in bed...
Sometimes people don't turn to Jesus or haven't turned to Jesus because they don't realize that He is alive. Maybe alls they have ever known is a dead Jesus that just sits on the cross that hangs on the wall. Or all He is, is a gospel. A story. That just sits on paper. People don't know He is power. That He isn't some weak, watered down care bear sissy. (I like the carebears. Just trying to make a comparison here.) They don't know that He's the very first superhero that there ever was. Greater and cooler than Superman, Spiderman, The Hulk, Ironman, and all the other superheros we know and love. All of which aren't real. But we love how strong they are and how they always defeat the bad guys. Saving people. And we don't realize that Jesus is much more than that. And He is still alive. More so then when He walked the earth. Some may ask, well then where is He? That's a good question. I think when we are ready to lay down our idea of who He is or who we always thought He was, He can begin to show us who He really is. He is the image of God. God of the Universe. The most powerful being that exists. He wants to perform miracles and signs and wonders. And above all, take us to the Father. And come inside us and transform us from the inside out. It's hard to believe. I know. Because where do we see that happening? I'm here to tell you, it is. Sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zones. Out of our mundane lives. And look. It's the enemy's desire to keep us from Him. So he will make ceilings look real swell. Or paint a picture of Jesus that is either dead or unreachable. But that's not the truth at all.
You're probably in a room right now. Look up. There's a ceiling. And that is the limitation that we put on happiness. We settle in a place without Jesus because we think that's all there is. Because it's really all we know. We don't know what a life with Jesus is like so we aren't in hot pursuit for it. We only know the happiness that comes from the world. And we sit down and get comfortable in it. It's satisfying to us. Only because we don't know there's more. I'm not saying that certain things on this earth can't make us happy. I'm saying apart from Jesus there is a limitation. He wants us to be happy. But what He wants more, is to be a part of it. He wants to "blow the roof off" and show us what it's like living under the sky. Where there is no limit. A greater happiness and fulfilling. Somewhere deep in us longs for happiness. It's places of void. And it is His desire for us to give Him a chance. So He can come into those places and reside. It's His desire to be a lamp at our feet. Leading us into the very best destiny. Why? Because He is some tyrant that demands us to listen to Him "or else". NO!!! No! No! No! It's because He is the peak of goodness. His plan for our lives is The Best. Because He Loves us more than anyone or anything loves us. And He wants what is best for us. And reuniting with our Father that Loves us with an unconditional Love is the best place for us. He wants us safe. He wants the earth to be taken over by Light and Love and True Life. He wants goodness for us. He wants to come in and break chains that hold us down and hold us back. He wants to free us from hurts, corruption, torment, sickness, oppression and depression. Our minds and hearts have chains on them. We settle. And we don't have to. We have so much in us that He wants to awaken with His Spirit. So we can fly. We were made to fly. We don't have to stay on the ground. Or stay in a room with a roof over our head. He wants to merge with us. He wants to dance with us. Moving together. And He wants us to teach others how to fly. He wants us to help others blow their roof off. As we dance with Him, we can do that. So with writing this, I just pray and desire so much that our roofs would be blown off and that we would know what it's like to fly. An eyeopener. Seeing Jesus and who He really is and can be in our lives. A taste. Of what it feels like to merge. I pray for a fanning. Of the fire within us. Even coals that are still hot and red, but there's no flame. Fan it! Ignite the fire! Passion for Jesus! Passion to dance! And fly! And to teach others. Because what is having happiness if others can't? Who wants to hog Jesus to themselves? Then you've missed the point! BLOW THE ROOF OFF LORD! Let it be so! AMEN!
Let me end with this. Transparency. There's places where I need Him badly. Places that are void. Still areas where I wanna see Him in a greater way. I want to see much more of the manifestation of who He really is. I want His happiness. I want my roof blown off. I want what's real. I wanna dance. I want to follow a path that leads me to more. I still settle too. All because I haven't reached Him yet. But I know as we do reach Him more and more....people will start to see the real Jesus more and more. And they'll know. That flying isn't impossible. And they'll want their roofs blown off. We wonder why people aren't turning to the Lord. Well let's do it ourselves and show them what flying looks like. Then we'll see more people turn.
