The mask....

Yesterday, when I was leaving the library, this kid asked me for a ride. He was poor. Lacking natural and spiritual nessecities. You could just feel and sense it. While we were in the car, we were conversating, and he said "are you a christian?" And I said 'yeah." And he said "are you perfect?" And I said "no!!! far from it!"

It really killed me that he said that. And I gotta be honest, sometimes, I really despise the word 'perfect' because of what religion has made and percevied it as. It makes people like him feel like he isn't good enough in "our" eyes. When the reality is, God Loves him so much. Even in that state. On drugs. Homeless. Broken. It makes him think people like me, look down on him. And I HATE it. I hate that religion has made people "act" perfect. Making sure everything lines up to what they think 'perfect" is. On the road to heaven, right? God, pleased with them. And displeased with trash like him. Or people that aren't turning to the Lord and "acting " perfect too. (I am not calling him trash...I'm saying that's what some people would characterize him as.) And it gives him this false image of God and makes him not want that...not want God. Which I don't blame him at all! When we act "perfect" or portray this image of perfect by "trying " to please God and follow His rules...it's really fake. Because our nature is not perfect. So as we do that...we are really giving glory to ourSELVES. Not to God. When we begin to give ourSELVES to God and allow Him in our hearts and allow Him to unveil Himself to us, there will be an INWARD transformation. It won't be a show. It won't be a desperate attemp to try and please God and be something infront of man. What pleases God is when He can have us with Him. When we give Him our hearts and minds as a sacrifice. In a secret place. In an intimate place. Not trying to prove anything. Except that you are nothing without Him. That you fall short. And love conditionally. That you have hurt people. And don't really know how to forgive though you want to so badly. That you don't react to people in a loving way at times. And your patience is running thin. When we "act" perfect infront of people when we really aren't...we are being fake and making people feel where you are compared to them is so far away and impossible for them. That they can't possibly walk that walk too. Especially because the bondage and oppression they are in...that holds them down and makes them already feel worthless and like they just can't do anything. The torah (LAW) wasn't something that the Israelites were supposed to follow. It is IMPOSSIBLE! To try and be perfect. To do this and that on our own. To Love and be kind and forgive and be meek and act the right way in every situation. Even though it's our intention. The torah (LAW) was supposed to be the image of God. Written on our hearts. An unveiling of Him. The sacrifice being...this is what I think I know...this is who I am (underneath the mask I put on for everyone else). PLEASE show me YOU! And change me! To be good for people. Show me YOUR Love! Show me what 'perfect' is to you. THAT is pleasing to Him. When we lay it all down. When we surrender. Hey, I've put on masks before. I have a couple. Because my burning desire and intention is to be and do what's right. But In reality...I am NOT perfect. So I had to make a choice to want to throw those masks away. So He could change my face. So people can see the real me. And Him IN me. So they can see what I am not and what He is...and what we are TOGETHER. So they feel like they too can make it. That God loves them. And that it's not always gonna be easy. BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
MLB

So, come up out of there!

Food for thought. 3/26/11 am.

God doesn't jugde us like "people" do. Just wanted everyone to know that. Because I think our view of God and His Love is so marred because we bring Him down to us and equate His Love with the way other people treat us and judge us, accuse us and critisize us. Like we are supposed to already be perfect. And like the one judging is alr...eady perfect and has the log out of their eye. That's why God's judgement is different. Because He is perfect and He does have the log out of His eye. Because He doesn't judge out of a cold, hard, fragile, injured by life, human heart. His judgement comes from a pure and holy heart that desires us more than we can fathom and desires us to be safe so much it hurts Him. God takes into consideration that we aren't yet, but desires with His whole heart that we get there. Because "perfect" is really being with Him on a very intimate level. Like after a son goes off to war, and after years of being across seas, he comes home for good. And his parents meet him at the airport and wrap their arms around him and sob. Because he is home. Safe. With them. God wants us where we experience freedom and unconditional Love. Where our wounds and voids that we sometimes act of, are healed. And I think people would stop judging so much if they would just let God's Love in. Because when they don't turn to His Love and allow him to show them the heavens and earth through His eyes...we are easily let down by others time and time again. Satan is two things....an accuser and an adversary. He doesn't Love. And we can't let ourselves believe that when people act out of those two things...that is who and how GOD is. God is not man. He is not the first Adam. Does He want to Love through us? Ofcourse!! He does and he will even more. It might be a good thing, to start looking within ourselves at the places where we don't Love like Him and allow Him in and take us through a process of deliverence and transformation, so our heart turns into His. Instead of pointing out where everyone else doesn't Love right. Or act according to our standards. Only because if we focus so much on that, it cements our feet in a place where we totally miss the One who Loves us the most. And, it doesn't help people. It hurts them more, leaving them where they are at. It's not a hand that reaches out. Or a Loving affection on that person that wants good for that person. We are supposed to be made in God's image. And people are su[posed to look at us and see Him. But until there's a greater manifestation of that...we need to be able to tell the difference. We need to know how much he Loves us. How much he wants us. What His intentions are for us and our lives. We don't want to turn to something that looks like the way we have been treated by "man". We have to know that God is so much greater. That we can trust Him. Above all. We won't be so hard on others if we do. Because we aren't trying to get that from them. We get it from God. And we are able to Love others no matter what. Not just when they Love us back. And when they are acting "perfect" toward us. We Love them unconditionally, and the salvations of their soul means more to us then anything. Disclaimer...I'm not AT ALL perfect. I love conditionally and I judge at times. But I am so sick of it. There are times I do equate God's Love with the way "man" is. Bringing Him down here, like He is like us. But I know within my heart...I believe that He isn't. And I want you to, too. I want that lie and false image of Him shattered. If we only knew His Love for us. His plan for our lives. How great it is. How much better and liberating it is then any other plan for our life. If we only knew how much He Loved us, we would know how much he Loves others. Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. Higher than any other! Our God is healer, awesome in power! God's judgement is His love. It comes out of His heart for us to be free from all that oppresses us and is trying to Spiritually kill us and others. His judgement comes to free us. Not put us in prison. Locked behind bars of unforgiveness. His judgement comes to open our eyes and awaken us. It comes as a hand that says "Come up out of there." So, come up out of there! My Lord, reveal yourself to your people! And let that be a hand that lifts them up. As they see You for who You really are...unveiled...not marred....let that Save them from everything that tries to take them away from You. All that tries to lead them to destruction. All that is no good for their soul. Breathe on them! Breathe on us! Show us unconditional Love. That we would receieve and give. THANKS AND GIVING. Amen.

 

This is where healing begins...

Whoa. Glad this video has the lyrics. Cuz you gotta catch em while the song is runnin...

This is where I'm at. Right smack-dab in the middle.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

My cross.

This is what my heart looks like...3/10/11, pm.

 

Nail my hands. Hang me on a tree. He said "take up your cross and follow me." I'll die for Meekness. I'll carry my sentence to the top of the hill. And surrender. I'll exchange this heart. I promise I will. I'm gonna make it up that hill. Forgiveness will one day flow through my veins. Not my beat, but His. It's where I'm going. It's ...what drives me. I can't stop. I choose Love. I'll make it up the hill and fall on my knees. "I'm ready for the transplant, Father." The sight of the other side soothes the agony. I reach inside. Pull my heart out. And lay it before Him. I let my heart go. I say goodbye. Goodbye worries. Goodbye fear. Goodbye insecurities that used to ring in my ear. Goodbye anger and frustration. Goodbye confusion. Goodbye conditional love. Goodbye restrictions. Then comes what it was all for. A new beat. Music to my ears. Meekness. Forgiveness. Unconditional Love. I surrender. I promise. I was made to fly... not just for me, but for the world to see. To give You ALL the Glory!

 

He wants us. More.

My own food for thought:. 3/9/11. He wants us. More.

This is something that I have been thinking about, but is so hard for me swallow (for myself). God wants us more than we want Him. He yearns for us. To be with us and have a unity with us. He desires to pierce through us and get to our depths. Filling our deepest, darkest places with Light. He desires for us to be free from bondages and limitations. I can't imagine how hurt He feels when we don't know how much He Loves us. I want us to know how much He Loves us. Even when we are struggling. Even when we are dirty. He still wants us. He wants His children. He wants to Help. He wants to pour fresh water all over us. We wants to restore and heal and deliver. That's who He is. That's Jehovah. Maybe He wants us to let go of everything else. And just turn to Him. Surrending to His Love. He is not a bully. He just knows He has the power to Light us up and breathe Life in us. Please know today, that He wants you. All your hurt. All your cares. All of the past that you carry around with you. All of your heaviness. Your worries. Things you don't understand. Discomfort. He'll take it. It's a hard thing to do. But as we let go, He can move. And He will. Exhale all that and let Him exhale Him in you. He wants you...don't let the enemy tell you different. It's a lie.

Blown away by Joseph!

I've been tellin the kids about Joseph. And every time I get to the end of the story, I feel like I could cry. I'm telling the story, and I am going through all this anguish with Joseph. All these incidents and situations blind siding him. I'm lookin at the kids and they too are really feelin for him as I'm telling them about all thes...e unfair, unfortunate things that are happening to him. When I get to the end, I ask them...how do you think Joseph treated his brothers when they came back? We all look at each other. And I could feel and know the two sides that are being pondered in their minds. The human side, that wants to treat them bad. They hurt him! They caused him to go through all that. But then there's God's side. And they know somehow that after all that, Joseph has God in him. So they respond by telling me, that he accepts them and feeds them. And I'm like "how beautiful is that?" We're all blown away by Joseph's forgiveness. And how he went through all that for a purpose. In the end being what his brothers needed. Loving them still. How? Because in all that suffering, God's heart was formed in him. It had to have been. Because without God's heart in him, Joseph could have never forgave them. He never turned away from God. And I'm sure at times He felt like God had turned away from him. But He didn't. God loved Joseph and He loved the people that Joseph was able to save during the famine. Especially his family. Here's to Joseph's endurance and God's unconditional Love! And to the children who are falling in love with their Maker! : )

 

Change. Taking flight...

This is what my heart looks like...3/7/11
Change. How incredibly uncomfortable, yet so refreshingly beautiful. Thinking of a baby bird that just hatched. How scarey! Everything is all big and bright compared to the dark, warm egg. But his only option is to one day fly. It has to overcome any fear. And flap those wings and just do it. And once it does, it won't be sorry. He'll fall in love with the sky and never want to leave it. No limits. No restrictions. Such hope. Even when you can't imagine how good it will feel to fly compared to staying safe of the ground, you know you were always meant to do it. So you jump.