Thorns and Grace and I won't move to Australia....

And you have a bad day. Like your world is literally crumbling all over. You just can't hold up anymore, ya know. Get it all done. All your work. Love as much as you long to. Communicate with friends and family as much as you deeply desire. Give. Learn to take. Be forgiving. Meet deadlines. Be still. Can't be still. Be positive. Too tired. Wake up earlier. Exercise? I hate my weight. New clothes? More money. The kids! What about the kids? I wanna give all.  I want them to enjoy reading. Why don't they remember to show instead of tell. I want to protect them from the pressures of the box. I want to read too. And oh, the pressure. Don't you dare complain. Don't you dare break. No one understands.

And you forget to breathe. You fall on your face trying to hold it all up. Gasping for air.  You finally sit down for the night. Thankful for a morsel of peace. A comfy couch. Warm apartment. A book called "Traveling Mercies" that is about a woman. And her faith. So raw. Comforting. And God's Grace is sufficient...

"Alone in my hotel room later that night, I felt stricken and lurky and dark, a wallflower at the vampire's ball. I cried a little then closed my eyes, bowed my head, and whispered, "Help."

Out of nowhere I remembered something one of my priest friends had said once, that grace is having a commitment to-or at least an acceptance of-being ineffective and foolish. That our bottled charm is the main roadblock  to drinking that cool glass of love.

I do not understand the mystery of grace-only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.

I'd figured out the gift of failure, which is that it breaks through all that held breath and isometric tension about needing to look good: it's the gift of feeling floppier.

One of the things I've been most afraid of had finally happened, with a whole lot of people watching, and it had indeed been a nightmare. But sitting with all that vulnerability, I discovered I could ride it. I felt ungainly, the way Marlon Brando looked on those ice skates, but at least I was on my feet. I had come through.

I don't know why life isn't constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and our kids do scary things. I don't know why it's not more like the movies, why things don't come out neatly and lessons can't be learned when you're in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging.

What I wanted was acclaim, and what I got was Grace."

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."




Raw testimonies are so powerful.-the Living Word.

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives, even unto the death."

The definition of testimony...proof or evidence that something exists or is true

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."





I won't move to Australia...
(In reference to Alexander and Terrible, Horrible, No Good. Very Bad Day.)

Thoughts on the Body of Christ....

"Day and night you would wrestle on behalf of all the brotherhood, that in His mercy and compassion the whole number of His elect might be saved. In your single-minded innocence you harboured no resentments; any kind of faction or schism was an abomination to you. You mourned for a neighbor's faults, and regarded his failings as your own. Never did you grudge a kindly action; always you were ready for any deed of goodness."

-sigh- I feel like I need to just sit here for a moment and let that sink in. It's heavy...rich...substance.

When my mind is free to think, I think a lot about the Body of Christ. Of her beauty! Of how she is supposed to look and function. And I long for her. Ache for her, actually. I grieve sometimes seeing where she's at verses what she is called to be. I grieve because she is supposed to reflect Christ and His Love and His power, and sometimes the image that she bears is dreadful and lifeless.

I don't say this to merely point a finger or because I think I am at a place the Body is not. I am a part of the Body and wherever she is, that's where I am too. That's how it works. We are a WE. And THAT is what I love so much about how God intends that she function. That's what I want to shed light on. The absolute beauty of togetherness. Of ONENESS. There is no "I". Everything is "we" and "us". But it starts with surrender. 

That's why I chose to take the above quote out of a book I was reading. It's an Early Church book and one of the early churches was being addressed about how they were turning away from brotherly love. How the church once operated like that, but was beginning to fall away from it more and more.

I feel like we are so broken that it hinders our ability to Love. Because we feel like we constantly have to protect ourselves. We build these walls and these barriers. Probably because somewhere along the way, we have been hurt or have seen someone else get hurt. And we all just want Love and Safety and Acceptance. Deep down we want to be wanted. We want to be important. We want to be good at things. We want significance. The sad part is, life becomes a competition because of these things. Like we are all trying to climb to the top...struggling....and we'll push others out of the way, disregarding them, because we are so set on getting ourselves up there. That's not at all how God intended us to be.

Everything we NEED is in Christ. Everything. He has this power that we fail to believe in-myself included. To HEAL. To SET FREE. To MAKE WHOLE. We find ourselves in Him. We find the Love that we are looking are. We find our significance. And selfishness and pride and ego just start to perish. Because all those things become SO unimportant. And we are awakened to this deep love that makes us WIDE OPEN. Life and love become risks every day. To Love another hard....expecting nothing back. Possibly getting neglected or hurt. We take our walls completely down and our heart becomes uncovered and out there. We enter into this rest where we don't feel the need to defend ourselves. Our primary goal is to Love and serve. It's this level of freedom like never before. We aren't exhausting ourselves trying to keep walls up and walk on mine fields. We aren't afraid. We stop trying to climb to the top in a hurry. We become more like kites. We trust God, that He has the string at the bottom and His wind will blow us up into the sky, floating around, hands OFF. Not worrying.

Hands off freaks me out sometimes. Completely letting go. No control. Oh, God. But then I think about Abraham. And I admire him! For trusting God so much that he made his way up to Mount Moriyah with Isaac. That's really what it's all about. Taking our Isaac's up to that Mountain and trusting God. It wasn't about the sacrifice. It was about trust and obedience. Because sometimes we don't trust that if we obey, everything will be ok and it will ALL work out eventually for us. We are SO concerned about ourselves. Forgetting that there is this God that actually loves us. Is our concern love? We trick ourselves into believing that we know best. Or that we are alone so we have to take care of everything.

Guys, we don't have to have everything all figured out. We don't. Rest, my friends. In the now. And be that kite. Take Isaac. All your cares and your worries and your control about life and yourself. Take those things up to Mount Moriyah. Fear. Unbelief. God calls us to lay those things down and trust HIM. That everything WILL be ok. That we don't have to worry, we just have to LOVE. And HE promises to take care of the rest. HE PROMISED US! And maybe our promises don't come when we think they should or when we want them to, but if we trust and obey....they will come right on time.

My point is...in order to be this Body...we have to let Jesus in. We have to trust HIM alone. And let go of everything else. Then we can love others with an UN-conditional love. A love that starts to grow where we care about others like we know we are cared about by Christ. It's not a competition...we are ONE. We stop wanting where we are to succeed over others, but we want ALL to succeed. Not just us or our families or our town or the congregation we attend or our state or our country. But the WHOLE world. Everyone. We rise up and become Jesus' love and power. We become like hospitals. Where people go when they are sick. People see Christ resurrect in a people and they run to them when they're sick. To seek Love and Healing. Just like in the gospels. Sinners RAN to Jesus to be healed. They KNEW. They BELIEVED! Jesus said we would do greater! He called us to follow Him! It says when we SEE Him, we will be LIKE Him! Not that we take His place! Not to take His glory. But He calls us to lay ourselves down, so that He can live in us and move through us. Too often we block that from happening with our SELVES. And by SELVES I mean, our thoughts and feelings and control that we hold onto. We grasp them and hold on tight. But He needs us to JUST. LET. GO. Be the kite! Let's be the kite. FREE TO LOVE. Free to be a PART of a WHOLE Body. Where there IS a unique you and unique me, but we operate TOGETHER. You add to the body and I add to the body! And we celebrate each other and we celebrate togetherness. We celebrate the eyes and the hands and the legs and the feet. We recognize that we all play a part. We are all needed to be a part of this WHOLE. We need arms! And ears! Organs! Fingers! Necks! We need to fit together!

Satan wants us to be divided. He wants us to be bitter toward each other and hold onto offenses. He doesn't want unity. He finds holes and stretched them and makes them bigger. He clouds our eyesight. He provokes the hardening of our hearts. He wants us to be consumed in ourselves. Because then we can't function in unity. We can't defeat him. HELL should tremble when the Bride of Christ rises up. Satan has NO POWER over people that are united in LOVE and live to SERVE. So let us be careful when we make choices. Not to fall into his trap. But to FIGHT for the brotherhood! FIGHT for AGAPE Love! The Love that Christ functioned out of. NEVER about Him! But about His union with the Father and being Heaven on earth. SERVING. GOD ON EARTH WAS A SERVANT!!!!!!! That's what He calls us to be. LAID DOWN LOVERS.

Jesus needs a body to rest His head. That means that we need to take on the MIND of Christ.

Philippians 2 

1Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Let's take our place! I want to love you and be one with you! But I'm not perfect. We all NEED to be patient with each other....we need to be honest with each other....and we need to help and edify each other.

I pray that God strengthens us and by the power of His Grace on our lives....helps us to become this love. This Body.

Here's to US!!
MLB

Ohio. June 2013.

July 2, 2013

As the plane rushed down the runway, I looked up from my book and out the window. If I were an animal it would've been like lifting my head out of the dirt/ground. Reality and I stared at each other. I looked it right in the face and I told myself not to look away. To feel it. Tears gathered and began to drip. I felt like a little girl crying inside. Like someone was taking something she loved away from her. Or like she lost her family and longingly yearned for them- to be with them. Near them. And so she cries from somewhere deep, deep down. The plane accelerates faster and faster. Velocity outside the window. As fast as we physically go is as fast as memories run through my heart and mind. Oh, June 2013. Oh, Ohio. My home. My beginning.

And as I get older, I embrace more. People. Moments. Connections. I never come home the same. I don't ever want to. I'll always be the same. I'll always be Michelle Louise Bellino. So will grapes always be the same grapes that the wine started with. But time matures grapes. I want Ohio to drink me. Every time growing more potent. Getting more drunk. On the fruit that I bear. "Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never faileth:" Those words burn in me. So much more than words. So much more than something that sounds nice. I want them!

I'm not afraid to declare how IMperfect I really am. I confess! I'm human. Man. Adam. Or Eve. But I believe in Christ! I believe, most days, in His power. I believe when He says "My strength is made perfect in your weakness." I believe Him when He says "My GRACE is sufficient FOR you." It allows me to relax a little. To not be so hard on myself. It gives me comfort and peace to be able to sit at His feet. Submitted to Him. My Teacher. "Lord, I want to be good wine!" "Lord! I want to bear YOUR fruit! I want to BE like YOU. Teach me, Lord."

My heart doesn't like to go. But it's certain that I learn and grow while I'm gone. And I'm a gypsy at heart. I need wonder and experience. To meditate and reflect. Behold. Explore. My journey.

And when I'm home I get to genuinely appreciate and embrace. I get to soak it all up. The places. The people. I want more of it. But not in quantity. I want quality. I want more substance and depth. I want to open my eyes to where. I want to open my heart-wide open- to who. I want to inhale the where. And I want the who to breathe themselves out on me. "I want to know you!! Really know you! And I want to open up to you in return." I hate walls. But I understand them. I hate masks, but I'be worn them. Scared. Tight. Social anxiety. The kind that sits right on your chest. Heavy.

I'm fight to win though. To beat all of that. To meet others in the middle. Walls down. Masks off. "Who are you? What's underneath?" And I apprehensively allow layers to come off of me. To show them me. I'm humbled. Over and over. I uncover my heart and I fall in love with humility. Wanting it so much more than pride.

When I lay at His feet in my weakness, with walls and masks, I'm ashamed. I don't want to look up. I feel sorry. And then I feel His finger gently under my chin. I'm afraid to look up because He's probably disappointed. I do though; I follow the lead of His finger lifting my head. When I lock eyes with Him, I see me. I see who I am behind the walls and under the mask. I see her through see of Love. And I feel Love. My heart is so warm and soft. I don't want those walls and masks. They fall down. And off. He Loves me. And I hunger for others. To Love them behind their masks and their walls. I hunger to give more of me. Every time I go home I'm shown where I'm at in the process.

I really want to slow down. I loathe hurry. And worry. I want Him. And others. I want Love. The people, the places, the moments-what I've gained-what I've been given- they tip my heart out. But it's kind of this good pain. Sadness mixed with thankfulness. Thankful that I have something to miss. Something that's hard to leave. And thankful that I have somewhere really good to go...

I think it's Patience we need...

This is going to be a compilation of both a personal narrative and an expository. The personal narrative side develops the expository side.

Personal narrative-A personal experience
Expository-A type of writing, the purpose of which is to inform, explain, describe, or define.

Note: The only reason I know what those two things are is because I have to. Otherwise, who knows... ; )

I just want to shed some light on something that is so real in all of our lives. It's something that happens all the time.

People rub us the wrong way. Or, there is something about the person that they are that we don't like. There's something about the fruit that their life produces that we don't like. It can be a full package of all three or you may just experience one. We've all experienced one of the three, or all three. At some point this is the reaction that your insides had when colliding with someone else's life and person.

First of all, it happens! We aren't perfect. We are learning, everyday! But this is something that is very delicate even though it's seemingly cliche' and "normal".

The point I want to make is this: We may not like certain people, we may not like what they do and they might make us feel a certain type of way, BUT..but, but, but!!! That DOES NOT give us the right or the entitlement to treat them a type of way or the right to say negative things about them. That is so, so destructive. It tears them down. Regardless of how WE feel about them, God still LOVES them! God is still working on them, just like He is still working on us.

Sometimes we need stopped dead in our tracks. Sometimes we need to take a step back. And allow this to flood us. We need reminded. We need to stand up for it.

We are not superior to anyone. I tell the kids this ALL the time! Why does it not apply to us adults too?!

I think it's patience we need. Patience to not react abruptly. Patience to stop for a second and think about this. To be still and really let this become reality to us. We don't always know what a person is going through or what God is trying to do with them. Why don't they deserve a chance too? Why do we get to have grace and mercy and love and not them?

I believe God wants us to slow down and be more gentle. I believe He wants us to be more aware of our reactions. He wants us to see others as delicate. He's in the midst of sculpting. He's in the midst of Loving. He's in the midst of chiseling.He's in the midst of SAVING!

We aren't The Judge. He is. And He is coming to SAVE not condemn.

Be so careful with those around you. They need Him just like we do.

Maybe peace and grace and mercy and love RULE!

God we call upon You to help us! We ask You to move upon our hearts! Let us see more like You! Let us Love more like You! Help us lay down our rights and our emotions.

Here's to LOVE and UNITY!!
MLB

Note: This is completely different from those that have hurt us or done something TO us. Not that we shouldn't forgive those too, but I want you to know, this is something different from that.

Come as you are...

I don't think this is going to take long. I just want to shed some light on a simple concept.  Yet it's so, so profound. And of course beautiful.

God has this ringing in my life lately. And though I don't FULLY understand it yet, what I do understand, I want to share.

He really awakened this scripture to me a couple years ago. It was timely for me. And so was the understanding He gave me. But there was so much more. And I'm sure there is still more. That's what I love about Him. He goes so deep and has so many facets. And He will always open up something to us that lines right up with our life and who we are. He shows a part of Himself to us that begins to pave a path in front of us.... "Follow Me..."

In 2 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul is in a place we are all familiar with. He likens it to having a thorn in his flesh. Then he proceeds to say it is to buffet him. That is the part that God opened up for me last time. He was preparing me for seasons of adversity. When He would allow a thorn in my flesh. And I would want it to go away or "depart from me". Because it was buffeting me. It didn't feel good. But as I experienced this scripture, I realized why it didn't feel good. Of course, in general, it hurt. Whenever someone hurts us or does something that effects us, it is painful. But there were also places in my flesh that it was irritating. Rights that I thought I had, that I didn't want to let go of. He was teaching me NOT to focus on the person or what the person did. Because what they did was testing something in me. Just as much as that person was in the wrong, there was somewhere in me that I was in the wrong too because of the reaction within me. I cry out all the time for God to humble me and I realized, this is His answer. He came to bring me low in my flesh, so that my Spirit could arise.

Which brings me to the second part. During situations that bring pressure it shows us characters in others, but it also shows us our own character. A lot of times, I feel like there is something that I can do. And I get so frustrated and disappointed in myself when I can't. The truth is, I can't change my own character. I am human and I am weak and sick in some areas (infirmity). For the longest time, that bothered me so much. Because I know the Lord's heart and I know what's right. And I just wanted to be that for Him and them.

For months I kept thinking of this phrase "come as you are". And it wasn't until lately that it finally sunk in. Jesus begins to speak to Paul about what Paul's going through and this is what Jesus says:

2Co 12:9 
And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

I think we underestimate the power of His Grace upon us. His Grace is every thing He has ever shown up to me as. Things He has shown me about Himself or myself. Or times that Him and I have spent together. It's this precious gift that I sometimes take for granted. It's the access I have to Him. It's the weapons He has equip me with previously...to meditate on and remember. That in itself, when I allow it to resonate in my mind even a little, blows me away. He Loves me that much. And His ways are so beautiful and perfect.

I was laying in my bed the other day, feeling so weak. And almost sick. And it was getting the best of me. It started to become an oppression. And as I was laying there I remembered Paul saying " Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Why? Why does he say that?! Because he understands "come as you are". We aren't already supposed to be "strong" and "perfect". We are weak. We are sick. And that is what His Grace is for. To come in those places and awaken strength by the power of Christ. It's an honest surrender. "I can't do this!" We'll never make it, if we think we can (off our own strength). And we'll keep giving life to legalism and adding to our spiritual death. Through our union with Him and through turning to Him, we resurrect out of these places. Those thorns in our flesh begin to change our character if we let them. As we sit at His feet in our weakness, He reminds us of His Grace and we are strengthened. We begin to see differently. And this brings great humility. Because it's nothing we can do! Nothing we can give ourselves glory for. It is His Grace and Mercy upon us that breathes Life into us. It's His Love that resuscitates us. We aren't good without Him. He is the good in us.

It's ok to be weak. It took me a long time to accept that. And I'm still trying to swallow it. But it's true. We can't do anything else but come as we are to Him. There's something so beautiful and powerful in that. We don't have to go to Him right. HE makes us right. There's so much more in all of this. But I just really wanted to make one point.

This surrender is sometimes painful, but I guarantee it's one of the most liberating. I hope the breath that He has breathed in me, breathes in you too.

Here's to freedom! : )
MLB

ART OF THE WEEK: July 9-14 #2

"Terms and Conditions":

If you like this piece and want to have it for yourself, you can donate $1.00 and enter into a drawing. At the end of the WEEK, I pick a name for each piece. Whoever I pick for that week, gets the art. After the $1.00 donation, the winner will pay an addition $9.00 for the art which includes the money for shipping. So, winners will be paying $10.00 altogether for the artwork. Whatever money is left over after shipping will be divided in half. Half of the funds will go to me and my business and half will go to a person in need, or a cause. At the end of the MONTH, I count up the funds that I set aside to donate. I will pick someone or something that is on my heart that could use the blessing and I give it to them (you have to trust me enough to know I will give it the right cause/person).

If you are familiar with probability, you know that the more times your name is in a drawing, the more likely you are to win. If it is a piece that you really like, you can put your name in as many times as you want for $1.00. Example: If you want to put your name in 5 times, you donate $5.00.


I will post the art every Monday and announce the winner(s) every Sunday.


If you are interested in this piece, there is a donate button in the upper left hand corner of my webpage above "King Jesus". If you click on that, it will take you to PayPal. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT. Look closely for the link that gives you the option to pay without having an account. It's there, you just have to look because they make it hard to find. If you have donated, put your name in the comments of this post and how many dollars you donated so I know how many times to put your name in.

If you have any questions you can inbox me on Facebook or write me a comment on here.

Peave, Love and Joy to you!!
MLB 


(keep reading for the description)


Description:


This is two canvas' side by side. The sky and grass are painted. The flowers are made out of buttons. The quote says "Let is be grateful  to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."-Marcel Proust

ART OF THE WEEK: July 9-14 #1

"Terms and Conditions":

If you like this piece and want to have it for yourself, you can donate $1.00 and enter into a drawing. At the end of the WEEK, I pick a name for each piece. Whoever I pick for that week, gets the art. After the $1.00 donation, the winner will pay an addition $9.00 for the art which includes the money for shipping. So, winners will be paying $10.00 altogether for the artwork. Whatever money is left over after shipping will be divided in half. Half of the funds will go to me and my business and half will go to a person in need, or a cause. At the end of the MONTH, I count up the funds that I set aside to donate. I will pick someone or something that is on my heart that could use the blessing and I give it to them (you have to trust me enough to know I will give it the right cause/person).

If you are familiar with probability, you know that the more times your name is in a drawing, the more likely you are to win. If it is a piece that you really like, you can put your name in as many times as you want for $1.00. Example: If you want to put your name in 5 times, you donate $5.00.


I will post the art every Monday and announce the winner(s) every Sunday.


If you are interested in this piece, there is a donate button in the upper left hand corner of my webpage above "King Jesus". If you click on that, it will take you to PayPal. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT. Look closely for the link that gives you the option to pay without having an account. It's there, you just have to look because they make it hard to find. If you have donated, put your name in the comments of this post and how many dollars you donated so I know how many times to put your name in.

If you have any questions you can inbox me on Facebook or write me a comment on here.

Peave, Love and Joy to you!!
MLB 


(keep reading for the description)


Description:


This isn't the best quality photo frame. But the creativity is quality! :) The flowers in the photographs are tulips. I took most of them this past spring. The middle photographs are from the Farmers Branch Rose Garden. They say "Love and Peace" and "Simplicity". In the small squares are quotes and pages from a book called "14,000 things to be happy about". It is rather light and easy to hang on the wall. 


Here's to my first piece!!
Thanks for your support!