7/31/10
Sometimes I pick certain journals for a reason. The last journal, Wonder Woman. Hoping that in that season my mentality would change and I would be more courageous and fearless. It seemed like the opposite happened. It is full of feeling and probably being defeated. A LOT of fear. I think it might have increased in the past few months. Paralyzing. Restraining me. Oppression at its finest. But, it's all about to turn into a great testimony of God's Love and how Faith WILL defeat fear. And Truth will chase out the lies. It says that perfect love casteth out fear. If part of God's Love is to save us by grace through FAITH, then His Love for us is His Grace and FAITH. The gift of FAITH being 1.) Yeshua, because He is FAITH (evidence and substance) 2.) Another vessel pouring into us (evidence and substance) and 3.) The FAITH in us. We cannot survive on anothers FAITH. It is their FAITH that revives us by God's grace. It is their FAITH that nurses us back to health. But that is the jump start to our very own FAITH. Our FAITH is the very thing that we need to STAY alive. It is what will keep our heart beating. It is gained through our very own relationship with our Maker and Savior. It is filling our consciousness with Him and being still enough to let HIM change us through the relationship. I say "relationship" because that's what it is. Isn't a relationship getting to know each other? Going through things TOGETHER. Going deeper. Climbing levels of intimacy. It is the unveiling of Him that changes our mind. Seeing who He really is. As a whole and also personally. Who He is to us. Not just something we see, but something we begin to experience. And as we begin to experience Him as a verb and not just a noun, it becomes our turn to be the giver. To share Him. To share Our experience. And the power in that will change another's life. Because it's not just saying: this is God is because this is what I read and this is what it says. Merely knowledge. Which is good. But that can't be all there is. EVIDENCE AND SUBSTANCE. It's saying, this is who God is because I KNOW HIM! Intimately. And I KNOW HIM because I experienced Him. Because He showed up. Because He backs up His Love for us. It's not just words. It's alive. When we can stop guessing who He is and stop trying to figure Him out-He can move. And when we can stop being afraid. Out of that fear we try to do things on our own, with our own hands. We "try" to be righteous and holy, and then we fail. And then when we fail, we condemn ourselves. Thinking He must really hate us now for failing and not being perfect (what we think perfect is and what we think He wants). And it becomes a vicious cycle. But who is God? Certainly not us. Who has the power to save and create and transform? HIM. Not us, off our own strength, that just leaves us heavy laden from the labor. It leaves us exhausted and frustrated with our continuous failure to be what we think He wants NOW. So, we first must allow Him in. And open up to His Love for us. Letting Him reveal Himself to us the way He wants to and the way He intends. We have to let go of our mindsets. And fill our consciousness with what He shows us. As we do that, it is His Love that transforms us. It makes us who we were always meant to be in Him. THEN we will begin to bare HIS fruit. Because there was real transformation. Not trying to do and be something we can't without the necessary process HE made specifically for us. A special, individual relationship with each one of us. A special, individual process for each one of us. Not trying to do and be something out of fear and worry and anxiety. Fear that we can't. Fear that we won't be able to do it. Fear that if we don't reach somewhere fast (off our own strength and with our own hands), He'll leave or we won't make it. Fear that if we don't hurry and be this or that (off our own strength and with our own hands), it's all over. That fear and worry and anxiety is the very thing that will make us miss Him. And destroy the relationship He wants to have with us which leads where He wants us to go and what He wants us to be. How He wants to do it. He wants our heart and our mind. He wants surrender. Sweet surrender to His Love. He wants to give Himself to us. He wants to Love us and breathe in us. But we have to be willing and available. He wants to spend time with us. Not out of fear, worry and anxiety and obligation. But because we want to. Because we are hungry for Him. Because we know we need Him and He makes us complete. Because we know He can change us and give us His heart for others. Because we are desperate for something more. He wants to get to know us even though He knows us better than we know ourselves. But He still loves when we talk to Him and express ourselves to Him. When we unveil ourselves before Him out of trust even though He already sees beyond the veil. Yeshua, husband of the bride, wants her to stay. He wants her to stay and get to know Him. He wants her to see His beauty and fall passionately in love with Him. He wants her to feel Loved and safe. What husband wants his wife to feel forced to Love him? He wants us to just stay and let Him in. He knows He can Love her better than any other Lover. That He is the only One will be true to her. Real intimacy. It's hard to let go of ourselves. But He is truth. And He will NEVER harm us. The pain is in letting go. But if we hold onto our Faith, it will pull us through. Faith being what He has already poured in us and done in our lives. What we have experienced so far. The truth in us. And as we are able to remember and hold onto that and NOT concentrate of every area we lack...He can continue to build on what He started. And our lack will perish more and more.
End.
Note: My new journal is a lined book for writing music (for instruments, not lyrics). And I got it because my writings are the music of my heart. I want Him to be the music of my heart. In other journals I wrote a lot out of fear, worry and anxiety. Panicking. Suffocating. But I want this journal to be full of His beauty. Meditations on who He is. On what He has shown me about Himself. On beauty. Not constant negativity that pulls and pushes me down. But Faith and Hope that will pull and push me up. I want to remember what He has given me and let Him build through the pages.
Amen.
MLB
End.
Note: My new journal is a lined book for writing music (for instruments, not lyrics). And I got it because my writings are the music of my heart. I want Him to be the music of my heart. In other journals I wrote a lot out of fear, worry and anxiety. Panicking. Suffocating. But I want this journal to be full of His beauty. Meditations on who He is. On what He has shown me about Himself. On beauty. Not constant negativity that pulls and pushes me down. But Faith and Hope that will pull and push me up. I want to remember what He has given me and let Him build through the pages.
Amen.
MLB
