Five Minute Friday: Fill

I've been missing Five Minute Friday so much. I hate to use the excuse that I've been "too" busy. I have been busy, but not too busy. My mom just gently chastised me to not stop doing what I love for any reason. Ironically, doing what I love fills me up. And so doing what I love helps me to pour out. In my recent transition I feel myself trying to adjust on every side. Some sides are easier than others. Ultimately it's one of the most beautiful transitions of my life. But, it's still an adjustment. I'm losing a lot of my independence and the false safety that comes with it, but I am gaining a lifetime with the love of my life. It's a bittersweet death that I choose. I am learning as I keep taking steps forward. I am confident that this is exactly where God has me and it is going to be a crazy beautiful adventure. I feel thankful. Though I am leaving parts of me behind, my mom reminded me to fan the fire of my loves and passions that are inside me. Here's to coming back to Five Minute Fridays and staying true to writing exercises that fill me up and keep me grounded and alive. Thanks to my mom for breathing life in me.

8/8/14 My mom's first Five Minute Friday. I love her heart.

There are a lot of things that I'd love to be filled with. I want to be filled with love, empathy, kindness, mercy, grace, sympathy, adventure, goodness, peace, servitude. I want to be filled with everything good in this world until I feel I could BURST! Most importantly I would love to be able to fill everyone on this earth with these feelings and emotions. I want my glass filled, not 1/2 full-all the way to the brim, spilling over into others' glasses. End. 

8/8/14 My Five Minute Friday

Oh how I love to be full. How I love when others are full. I long for it deeply. And I ache. These x-ray eyes that see dark emptiness. This sensitivity that feels my own. Our earths without form and void. And we all just want to be filled up. One of the things I love most about God is that His filling up produces this pure pouring out. We can be filled up by a lot of things. We take drinks-the emptiness is too much to bear. But there's this Light. Right after it says the earth was without form and void, it says "LET THERE BE LIGHT". End.

Five Minute Friday: Friend

This was my most favorite prompt, yet. I absolutely loved listening to their sweet, little hearts write about what "friend" means to them. I also loved some of the creative twists that were in the mix. We wrote outside today in the sunshine which totally added to the happiness we get from doing this activity together. I am noticing that they are now coming in on Fridays and looking straight to the board for our prompt. And then, their giddy reaction is priceless. I feel the same when I'm writing it. Underneath, I add "I can't wait to write with you!" I mean in from the bottom of my heart. I love them. I love this...



Five Minute Friday with 4A
"Friend"
This is hard for me because there's two people I want to write about. Then, I just start feeling thankful for what a friend is. As you grow older friendships are deeper. Some come, and some go. But some, are forever. Some are unconditional. Some, are the very place where you feel safe. Safe to be completely you in whatever state. There's no trying. Just "being". You, at your best. You, at your worst. There's no fear. Or anxiety or insecurity. Just unconditional love. Some kind of super-natural bond. For me, that's JAE. Old. For me, that's Thomas. New. One is not silver and the other gold. They're both gold. Both, the most precious treasure.

Five Minute Friday with 4C
"Friend"
In my last writing, I mentioned that as you get older, friendships are deeper. I'm sad to say, that at a young age, some or most of my friendships were mixed with acceptance issues. I despise insecurity so much. It's a ghost from my past that sometimes comes back to haunt me. If I only knew then what I know now. And this is not outer. Or about anyone else. This is inner. It's about me. The sad part is- I can't go back. The joyful part is-I can pour out all that I've learned and all that I'm still learning into my students and future children. I can teach them about diversity and uniqueness. I can teach them importance of loving yourself.

Five Minute Friday with 4B
"Friend"
My mom! My mother. My friend. It's one of the most beautiful things in the world to experience this transformation in your relationship with your mother. She's truly one of my best, most sacred friends. One of my most favorite friends. The things we share. The way we share. The way our hearts dance and connect and grow. The way iron sharpens iron. The way softness soothes and comforts and encourages. I'm better because of her. My best friend when I was a little girl. We did everything together. I was her only one. We dreamed of my sister. We fell in love with my brother. Then, jumping into my adulthood we reconnect in a much different way. A deep, rich friendship grew. And now, I'm so much in love with us and with her. More than ever. My mother, my friend.

Miss Bellino's heart- 4/25/14

Five Minute Friday: Paint

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed when I saw "PAINT" on Lisa-Jo's page. I knew that I could write about paint, but I wasn't sure if my students would have it them. I was afraid they would be disappointed or their lack of experience would leave them with nothing to write. I was pleasantly surprised by their writings and turned out creative and beautiful. They seem to be able to conjure up just about anything and I love that. I am so in love with doing this with them. It's going to hurt when May is over. But, I live for stuff like this, so I'll take the joy with pain.

Five Minute Friday
4A Paint
The first half of my life I had no idea how much I loved to paint. It was in my college years that the yearning and ideas came. I would spend hours in my parents shed creating what was being created in me. And so that is how it all started. When I fell in love with "painting". With creating. With the ideas. The peace that floods you. The colors. The way the brush dips into the paint. The way the brush strokes the white canvas. The joy. The anticipation. The end result. And you just keep wanting to do more. More hours in the shed. More peace. More colors. More creation.

4C Paint
After my painting awakening it became a big part of my life. At that time I had a little cousin, Annie, who was my best friend. She was 2 and 3 and I was in my early 20's. We used to spend time together almost every day. I'd share my life with her-chasing sunsets, going to parks, eating Subway, nights at the library, sleepovers watching Harry Potter and of course-painting. We'd set up shop in my backyard on sunny days and just paint. I'm not sure if it was the painting that she liked or just spending time with me. For me, it was Heaven. Doing something that I really loved to do with someone I really loved.

4B Paint
After finding my passion for painting, years later, I found that my mama loved to paint too. I started to see how much I'm like her once I got to know her. Growing up maybe I didn't pay attention or maybe she was so much my mama that I wasn't able to see who she was more than that. Now I see all this beauty about her. Like she is a painting with so much vibrant color. So now we have deep conversations, cups of tea and we paint together. We share the peace. Getting lost in the moment-in our painting. Sharing that with her is one of my greatest joys. Lost. Creating.

Miss Bellino 4/11/14

Five Minute Friday: Writer

Five Minute Friday: Writer

I didn't know how this was going to turn out for me or the kids. But, it ended up being so beautiful. A lot of them wrote about their writing teacher, Ms. B. and how she loves to write. I cried. I cried because, you wonder sometimes if they realize how truly open you are...you wonder if they know just how much of your life you allow them to see. They identified me as their writing teacher, but they also identified me as a writer. Someone that is passionate about it and does it in their every day life. They were specific and detailed. They brought up what they learned from me...they brought up journal entries I've read to them. They know me. And I love it. I love we are with each other 35 hours a week and we KNOW each other. Personalities, passions, strengths, weaknesses, moods, quirks. It's the most beautiful thing to me. It's nice to sit and realize the richness of being of being a teacher when you take a moment and just BE with your students. Because we don't get to do that often. We are usually in a tornado that sweeps up through the day and spits us out.

This post is dedicated to them. The crew that I have so deeply fell in love with this year. My 8-3 family. And the realness.

"Don't be afraid to live like a writer. Writers explore. There are two whole universes for you to explore-the one on the inside, and the physical one on the outside. Take your choice; inner or outer. Or best: both."
(I had my students paste this in their writing notebooks at the beginning of the year. It's something Lucy Calkins said in a video we watched.)

Writer 4A
When I think of "writer", I think of me. It was automatic. My whole life I struggled with identity-looking at other people-comparing myself to them. Envying who they are. The older I got, the more I started to find myself underneath this pile of identity crisis. One thing I am sure of is, I am a writer. For so many reasons. God has given me a gift with words and expression. It's so much a part of me. It's so creative. And that's Him-a part of Him in me. He's everything and He gives us pieces of Himself to make-up a whole. I am one who got that part-the part of Him that is a creative writer. And I love Him for it. I think it's so beautiful. Not just the "writer" part, but the way we are all "parts" of God.

Writer 4C
Continued....I think there's a freedom in my first 5 minutes. Freedom from wishing we were or could be like other people. The problem with that is, we are so focused on comparing that we miss what's inside us. We neglect God's beauty in us and it stays covered up. Then it gets worse because we start to really feel that we don't have the beauty that others have. The key is to get a shovel. And dig. Search. For the treasure or treasures within us. What do we love? What are our deep passions?

Writer 4B
I love that my students are becoming writers. Two of my favorite parts about being a writing teacher are watching them grow as writers and getting to know them though their writings. Reading 75 writings at a time is often difficult, but I love reading "them". Honestly, there are times when I don't want to be a writing teacher. It's one of the hardest things for so many reasons. Then, there are moments when I feel like "This. is. perfect!" I can see the big picture. I can see why I'm a writer and I want to give that part of me to them. At the end of the year when you see it-them becoming writers-it makes it all worth it. All the tribulation...it's worth it.

Ms. Bellino 4/4/14

Five Minute Friday: Mighty

I am so excited and proud to announce that I have started doing Five Minute Friday with my students. This was our first week. It's incredibly special and is major blessing to our classroom. With all the heaviness from the STAAR we need this! We need a moment to get lost in writing and to sit with each other and enjoy each other...listening to the hearts and minds of all the parts of our class family.

I have three classes each day. I write all three times with them for 5 minutes straight on the given prompt.

Mighty with 4A
When I think of mighty, I think of strong-I think of superhero strong or God strong. The kind of strong that is more than humans. The kind of strong that saves people. That beats bad guys. That loves people that have been hurt and comforts them. When I think of mighty, I think of no fear-courage. Someone that fights for good or what's right. Was Martin Luther King Jr. "mighty"? He didn't have strong muscles, but he has a strong heart. So, does physical strength make you mighty? Or could it be an inner strength...

Mighty with 4C
In my last writing I started talking about how mighty is strong. I ended up bringing up Martin Luther King Jr. I felt in my heart at that moment that he was a mighty man. Mighty doesn't have to be physically strong. You don't need strong muscles to be mighty. Maybe it's a strong heart that you need. A strong heart to do the right thing. To love others. To fight for them. To not get so caught up in ourselves or the situation and be a part of something that turns the world upside down (That's what he told his mama.).Without violence or hurting another back when they hurt you. THAT take courage.

Mighty with 4B
Mighty is powerful. I keep thinking of the phrase "mighty to save". It's a quote from the Bible. It says God is mighty to save. I believe that means He has the power to save. Think of what that might mean. What do we need saved from? It's everything bad in the earth. Sickness. Depression. A hurting heart. We also might need to be saved from things that might be in us. Maybe we don't like ourselves and we think bad things about our self. Maybe we're really mean to others. God is mighty to save us from those things. I don't always understand it, but maybe it's not about understanding-maybe it's about trusting a God that says He wants to and can.

Ms. Bellino 3/28/14

Five minute Friday: Joy

3/21/14

Joy.

When I think about Joy I think about how mine has been robbed. And I don’t want to make this about pity or any kind of negative. It’s just truth. I’ve had joy. I know joy. It’s all around me pretty much all the time. God is good and He has been so good to me in a million ways. I have felt so much like His daughter. One that He loves and adores and provides for. His Grace and provision in an on my life has been overwhelming.

But…

I have also been robbed many, many times. I don’t want to wear this face that says “I’m happy all the time” or “I have joy all the time” when I don’t. I want people to see the real me and know that, I’ve struggled with insecurity and identity and anxiety and fear so much. And it’s robbed me of my joy. And they’ve forced themselves in my life. Many times I have opened up the door and they just rush in and take over and next thing I know, I can’t find joy. I have hope that there will be a day that I’m not robbed and I will be completely free from these things. But for now they still barge in. And consume my house. 

MLB

Five minute Friday: Crowd.

 

My very first, Five minute Friday:
Crowd.

I could split crowd right in half, throw half on one side of a balance and half on the other. They would surely equal out -one side not weighing more or less than the other, but both weighing the same.

On one side, I absolutely love a crowd. I love a crowd of my family and/or friends. I love having everyone together. It's some sort of essence in me-what I'm made of. I yearn for gathering and connection and closeness. The things that tie us together.

On the other side, I deal with a lot of social anxiety. It comes and it goes. It's up and it's down. But, it's there. I can physically feel it's grip at times. And I know the very root of it is my insecurities...

-MLB

Thorns and Grace and I won't move to Australia....

And you have a bad day. Like your world is literally crumbling all over. You just can't hold up anymore, ya know. Get it all done. All your work. Love as much as you long to. Communicate with friends and family as much as you deeply desire. Give. Learn to take. Be forgiving. Meet deadlines. Be still. Can't be still. Be positive. Too tired. Wake up earlier. Exercise? I hate my weight. New clothes? More money. The kids! What about the kids? I wanna give all.  I want them to enjoy reading. Why don't they remember to show instead of tell. I want to protect them from the pressures of the box. I want to read too. And oh, the pressure. Don't you dare complain. Don't you dare break. No one understands.

And you forget to breathe. You fall on your face trying to hold it all up. Gasping for air.  You finally sit down for the night. Thankful for a morsel of peace. A comfy couch. Warm apartment. A book called "Traveling Mercies" that is about a woman. And her faith. So raw. Comforting. And God's Grace is sufficient...

"Alone in my hotel room later that night, I felt stricken and lurky and dark, a wallflower at the vampire's ball. I cried a little then closed my eyes, bowed my head, and whispered, "Help."

Out of nowhere I remembered something one of my priest friends had said once, that grace is having a commitment to-or at least an acceptance of-being ineffective and foolish. That our bottled charm is the main roadblock  to drinking that cool glass of love.

I do not understand the mystery of grace-only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.

I'd figured out the gift of failure, which is that it breaks through all that held breath and isometric tension about needing to look good: it's the gift of feeling floppier.

One of the things I've been most afraid of had finally happened, with a whole lot of people watching, and it had indeed been a nightmare. But sitting with all that vulnerability, I discovered I could ride it. I felt ungainly, the way Marlon Brando looked on those ice skates, but at least I was on my feet. I had come through.

I don't know why life isn't constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and our kids do scary things. I don't know why it's not more like the movies, why things don't come out neatly and lessons can't be learned when you're in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging.

What I wanted was acclaim, and what I got was Grace."

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."




Raw testimonies are so powerful.-the Living Word.

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives, even unto the death."

The definition of testimony...proof or evidence that something exists or is true

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."





I won't move to Australia...
(In reference to Alexander and Terrible, Horrible, No Good. Very Bad Day.)

Thoughts on the Body of Christ....

"Day and night you would wrestle on behalf of all the brotherhood, that in His mercy and compassion the whole number of His elect might be saved. In your single-minded innocence you harboured no resentments; any kind of faction or schism was an abomination to you. You mourned for a neighbor's faults, and regarded his failings as your own. Never did you grudge a kindly action; always you were ready for any deed of goodness."

-sigh- I feel like I need to just sit here for a moment and let that sink in. It's heavy...rich...substance.

When my mind is free to think, I think a lot about the Body of Christ. Of her beauty! Of how she is supposed to look and function. And I long for her. Ache for her, actually. I grieve sometimes seeing where she's at verses what she is called to be. I grieve because she is supposed to reflect Christ and His Love and His power, and sometimes the image that she bears is dreadful and lifeless.

I don't say this to merely point a finger or because I think I am at a place the Body is not. I am a part of the Body and wherever she is, that's where I am too. That's how it works. We are a WE. And THAT is what I love so much about how God intends that she function. That's what I want to shed light on. The absolute beauty of togetherness. Of ONENESS. There is no "I". Everything is "we" and "us". But it starts with surrender. 

That's why I chose to take the above quote out of a book I was reading. It's an Early Church book and one of the early churches was being addressed about how they were turning away from brotherly love. How the church once operated like that, but was beginning to fall away from it more and more.

I feel like we are so broken that it hinders our ability to Love. Because we feel like we constantly have to protect ourselves. We build these walls and these barriers. Probably because somewhere along the way, we have been hurt or have seen someone else get hurt. And we all just want Love and Safety and Acceptance. Deep down we want to be wanted. We want to be important. We want to be good at things. We want significance. The sad part is, life becomes a competition because of these things. Like we are all trying to climb to the top...struggling....and we'll push others out of the way, disregarding them, because we are so set on getting ourselves up there. That's not at all how God intended us to be.

Everything we NEED is in Christ. Everything. He has this power that we fail to believe in-myself included. To HEAL. To SET FREE. To MAKE WHOLE. We find ourselves in Him. We find the Love that we are looking are. We find our significance. And selfishness and pride and ego just start to perish. Because all those things become SO unimportant. And we are awakened to this deep love that makes us WIDE OPEN. Life and love become risks every day. To Love another hard....expecting nothing back. Possibly getting neglected or hurt. We take our walls completely down and our heart becomes uncovered and out there. We enter into this rest where we don't feel the need to defend ourselves. Our primary goal is to Love and serve. It's this level of freedom like never before. We aren't exhausting ourselves trying to keep walls up and walk on mine fields. We aren't afraid. We stop trying to climb to the top in a hurry. We become more like kites. We trust God, that He has the string at the bottom and His wind will blow us up into the sky, floating around, hands OFF. Not worrying.

Hands off freaks me out sometimes. Completely letting go. No control. Oh, God. But then I think about Abraham. And I admire him! For trusting God so much that he made his way up to Mount Moriyah with Isaac. That's really what it's all about. Taking our Isaac's up to that Mountain and trusting God. It wasn't about the sacrifice. It was about trust and obedience. Because sometimes we don't trust that if we obey, everything will be ok and it will ALL work out eventually for us. We are SO concerned about ourselves. Forgetting that there is this God that actually loves us. Is our concern love? We trick ourselves into believing that we know best. Or that we are alone so we have to take care of everything.

Guys, we don't have to have everything all figured out. We don't. Rest, my friends. In the now. And be that kite. Take Isaac. All your cares and your worries and your control about life and yourself. Take those things up to Mount Moriyah. Fear. Unbelief. God calls us to lay those things down and trust HIM. That everything WILL be ok. That we don't have to worry, we just have to LOVE. And HE promises to take care of the rest. HE PROMISED US! And maybe our promises don't come when we think they should or when we want them to, but if we trust and obey....they will come right on time.

My point is...in order to be this Body...we have to let Jesus in. We have to trust HIM alone. And let go of everything else. Then we can love others with an UN-conditional love. A love that starts to grow where we care about others like we know we are cared about by Christ. It's not a competition...we are ONE. We stop wanting where we are to succeed over others, but we want ALL to succeed. Not just us or our families or our town or the congregation we attend or our state or our country. But the WHOLE world. Everyone. We rise up and become Jesus' love and power. We become like hospitals. Where people go when they are sick. People see Christ resurrect in a people and they run to them when they're sick. To seek Love and Healing. Just like in the gospels. Sinners RAN to Jesus to be healed. They KNEW. They BELIEVED! Jesus said we would do greater! He called us to follow Him! It says when we SEE Him, we will be LIKE Him! Not that we take His place! Not to take His glory. But He calls us to lay ourselves down, so that He can live in us and move through us. Too often we block that from happening with our SELVES. And by SELVES I mean, our thoughts and feelings and control that we hold onto. We grasp them and hold on tight. But He needs us to JUST. LET. GO. Be the kite! Let's be the kite. FREE TO LOVE. Free to be a PART of a WHOLE Body. Where there IS a unique you and unique me, but we operate TOGETHER. You add to the body and I add to the body! And we celebrate each other and we celebrate togetherness. We celebrate the eyes and the hands and the legs and the feet. We recognize that we all play a part. We are all needed to be a part of this WHOLE. We need arms! And ears! Organs! Fingers! Necks! We need to fit together!

Satan wants us to be divided. He wants us to be bitter toward each other and hold onto offenses. He doesn't want unity. He finds holes and stretched them and makes them bigger. He clouds our eyesight. He provokes the hardening of our hearts. He wants us to be consumed in ourselves. Because then we can't function in unity. We can't defeat him. HELL should tremble when the Bride of Christ rises up. Satan has NO POWER over people that are united in LOVE and live to SERVE. So let us be careful when we make choices. Not to fall into his trap. But to FIGHT for the brotherhood! FIGHT for AGAPE Love! The Love that Christ functioned out of. NEVER about Him! But about His union with the Father and being Heaven on earth. SERVING. GOD ON EARTH WAS A SERVANT!!!!!!! That's what He calls us to be. LAID DOWN LOVERS.

Jesus needs a body to rest His head. That means that we need to take on the MIND of Christ.

Philippians 2 

1Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Let's take our place! I want to love you and be one with you! But I'm not perfect. We all NEED to be patient with each other....we need to be honest with each other....and we need to help and edify each other.

I pray that God strengthens us and by the power of His Grace on our lives....helps us to become this love. This Body.

Here's to US!!
MLB