Five minute Friday: Joy

3/21/14

Joy.

When I think about Joy I think about how mine has been robbed. And I don’t want to make this about pity or any kind of negative. It’s just truth. I’ve had joy. I know joy. It’s all around me pretty much all the time. God is good and He has been so good to me in a million ways. I have felt so much like His daughter. One that He loves and adores and provides for. His Grace and provision in an on my life has been overwhelming.

But…

I have also been robbed many, many times. I don’t want to wear this face that says “I’m happy all the time” or “I have joy all the time” when I don’t. I want people to see the real me and know that, I’ve struggled with insecurity and identity and anxiety and fear so much. And it’s robbed me of my joy. And they’ve forced themselves in my life. Many times I have opened up the door and they just rush in and take over and next thing I know, I can’t find joy. I have hope that there will be a day that I’m not robbed and I will be completely free from these things. But for now they still barge in. And consume my house. 

MLB

Five minute Friday: Crowd.

 

My very first, Five minute Friday:
Crowd.

I could split crowd right in half, throw half on one side of a balance and half on the other. They would surely equal out -one side not weighing more or less than the other, but both weighing the same.

On one side, I absolutely love a crowd. I love a crowd of my family and/or friends. I love having everyone together. It's some sort of essence in me-what I'm made of. I yearn for gathering and connection and closeness. The things that tie us together.

On the other side, I deal with a lot of social anxiety. It comes and it goes. It's up and it's down. But, it's there. I can physically feel it's grip at times. And I know the very root of it is my insecurities...

-MLB