I've been hesitant to write this. And debating back and forth with myself whether I should or not. But, why not? It's on my heart so why wrestle with doubt?
Tomorrow is my 10 year class reunion. Wow. I'm amazed and really can't believe that much "time" has gone by. It's like time just hastens and picks us up and carries us. And before we know it we are somewhere, and we stand there looking back at all that has gone by while time was carrying us. Time aged us. Time made us different. Time took us through joy but also took us through hardship. Time brought upon laughter but also brought upon sadness. Regardless of what time carried us through, we are not the same as we were before time picked us up and ran.
Of course there are things that stay the same. Who we are doesn't change. Our essence and our depths are always sitting there underneath everything. But there's something about maturity and the way time matures us. There's something about the years we spent as immature, trying to figure things out. Trying to fit in. Trying to find who we really are. Trying to fill voids, find acceptance and significance. There's something about immaturity that can be real ugly. But there's something about it, that when you look back, you can see the beauty of the process. Like a garden. You can watch the process of it. During certain times, it doesn't look good and it's frustrating. You have to plow the hard ground and make it soft for the seeds to go in. You have to go through a process of waiting...counting on the rain and sun to nourish the seeds so they will open under ground . Then the anticipation when you see something come out of the ground but you know there's still more waiting to do until your flower or crop is full grown. Then one day you look, and there it is. Fruit. What it was all for. And you look back and you see that there had to be a process.
Ugly is going to happen. But ugly isn't the point. The point is learning and growing. I'm not gonna sit here and say I don't hold onto the ugly, because I have and I do. So many times I catch my self saying "if only I could go back to high school as who I am now! It would be so different." But here's what I think I am missing. Then is gone and I can never get it back. Now is what matters. Have I grown and learned a ton? Yes! So why not let go of then and embrace now? Continuing to learn and grow. Allowing the plowing in whatever way. Allowing the rain and sunlight to nourish the seeds in my garden. Never allowing the process to stop.
I think that's what counts. And I think a lot of us hold onto then. When now is what counts.
Everyone is different. And that's a beauty. There isn't anyone that is "better" than another person, and there isn't anyone that is less. For any reason. We are who we are. And a person who judges doesn't define us. Their judgement defines them. WE define us. If we can overcome fear and anxiety and our immaturity before time picked us up, we can all celebrate where time has brought us. We can embrace and enjoy each other without a room full of people with walls up. Or a room full of people trying to prove something. We have nothing to prove. Who we are with no walls....who we are without trying ...is beautiful.
I am excited. I think this can be a real beautiful time. A room full of people that went to school together the whole first part of their lives. A room full of people that are all different and all special. A room full of people bringing something. We all have something to bring even if we think we have nothing. Just bringing ourselves is bringing something. A room full of people that went through time. Went through a level of maturity. It doesn't matter how you look or where you are in life right now. We hurt ourselves by comparing.
I just want every one to know that it's ok to come as you are. There's so many people I am looking forward to seeing and talking to. And it took time to get me here. To break through insecurities and walls. The acceptance thing and the voids.
Other people don't define us. And there is no image or standard we have to fit into.
Different is beautiful!
Come!
Come as you are!
This is what my heart looks like.
MLB
Tomorrow is my 10 year class reunion. Wow. I'm amazed and really can't believe that much "time" has gone by. It's like time just hastens and picks us up and carries us. And before we know it we are somewhere, and we stand there looking back at all that has gone by while time was carrying us. Time aged us. Time made us different. Time took us through joy but also took us through hardship. Time brought upon laughter but also brought upon sadness. Regardless of what time carried us through, we are not the same as we were before time picked us up and ran.
Of course there are things that stay the same. Who we are doesn't change. Our essence and our depths are always sitting there underneath everything. But there's something about maturity and the way time matures us. There's something about the years we spent as immature, trying to figure things out. Trying to fit in. Trying to find who we really are. Trying to fill voids, find acceptance and significance. There's something about immaturity that can be real ugly. But there's something about it, that when you look back, you can see the beauty of the process. Like a garden. You can watch the process of it. During certain times, it doesn't look good and it's frustrating. You have to plow the hard ground and make it soft for the seeds to go in. You have to go through a process of waiting...counting on the rain and sun to nourish the seeds so they will open under ground . Then the anticipation when you see something come out of the ground but you know there's still more waiting to do until your flower or crop is full grown. Then one day you look, and there it is. Fruit. What it was all for. And you look back and you see that there had to be a process.
Ugly is going to happen. But ugly isn't the point. The point is learning and growing. I'm not gonna sit here and say I don't hold onto the ugly, because I have and I do. So many times I catch my self saying "if only I could go back to high school as who I am now! It would be so different." But here's what I think I am missing. Then is gone and I can never get it back. Now is what matters. Have I grown and learned a ton? Yes! So why not let go of then and embrace now? Continuing to learn and grow. Allowing the plowing in whatever way. Allowing the rain and sunlight to nourish the seeds in my garden. Never allowing the process to stop.
I think that's what counts. And I think a lot of us hold onto then. When now is what counts.
Everyone is different. And that's a beauty. There isn't anyone that is "better" than another person, and there isn't anyone that is less. For any reason. We are who we are. And a person who judges doesn't define us. Their judgement defines them. WE define us. If we can overcome fear and anxiety and our immaturity before time picked us up, we can all celebrate where time has brought us. We can embrace and enjoy each other without a room full of people with walls up. Or a room full of people trying to prove something. We have nothing to prove. Who we are with no walls....who we are without trying ...is beautiful.
I am excited. I think this can be a real beautiful time. A room full of people that went to school together the whole first part of their lives. A room full of people that are all different and all special. A room full of people bringing something. We all have something to bring even if we think we have nothing. Just bringing ourselves is bringing something. A room full of people that went through time. Went through a level of maturity. It doesn't matter how you look or where you are in life right now. We hurt ourselves by comparing.
I just want every one to know that it's ok to come as you are. There's so many people I am looking forward to seeing and talking to. And it took time to get me here. To break through insecurities and walls. The acceptance thing and the voids.
Other people don't define us. And there is no image or standard we have to fit into.
Different is beautiful!
Come!
Come as you are!
This is what my heart looks like.
MLB
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