A recent journal entry:
Heartbreak warfare. Kinda.
I say "kinda" because even though on the surface it hurts and my emotions are slightly raging...
Underneath, I feel ok.
Underneath, You are my Hope.
Underneath, I'm excited about your promises. Your plans for me. My future in You.
Underneath, I believe in more...better. I believe that what You have for me won't even compare to all of this.
Underneath, I look forward to Your blessings! Your mind and heart. I look forward to freedom.
Underneath, I'm thankful for You. Thankful for Your Love toward me. Your affections. Your Grace!!
I'm thankful for Your Son, even though I don't fully understand what He did and what it meant. My mind can't wrap around it.
I'm thankful that You give me what I need.
I'm thankful for access to Your Holy Spirit.
And thankful that You have begun to open up Truth to me.
I'm thankful that You're making me even when I doubt. Even when I can't see. Even when I'm distracted. You're there. You're there when I come back.
Underneath all of this, I really Love You. I really long for You. I long to have this pile lifted off of my heart and be wrapped up in each other.
I feel it. I know it's there. I know that it exists!
Underneath, I feel it. Like this magnetic pull, deep within me. I feel you drawing me and I feel my depths drawing You. I feel it in my breath when I sit still long enough. Us. Hope. Living Hope.
Underneath, nothing else matters. No situation. No accusation. No worry.
The distractions are loud. They drown us out.
Nothing else matters underneath. But everything matters on top.
It's so chaotic up there. So confusing. So painful. So consuming.
I have to fight harder for what's underneath. For Us. For that magnetic pull.
The place where You are all that matters.
Because You alone are good! You hold everything that is truly beautiful. You are Peace and Joy. Raw. You are Mercy and Forgiveness. You are Grace. You are Heaven. Pure and Perfect. You are not darkness. Hurt. Unforgiveness. Unrighteousness. Insecurity. Sickness. Not You.
You open the door. You call us Home. You long for us.
There's no carnality or flesh mixed in. You only produce one kind of fruit.
Underneath, I long to be humble and focused and selfless, like Yeshua. It wasn't about Him. Even though it was all about Him. The Father's will was His concern. He had no rights. No ego. He was an enemy to Your enemy. To evil. To what stands in between You and Your people. Not to take mere people down. But to take down principalities...kingdoms. To set people FREE. Not to prove that he was the Messiah or that He was right. He came as Light.
I want to know more about this Father. I want it to burn in me! I want to be an enemy to Your enemy. Not a friend! I want to give up my rights! Hands up before You...I want to give up my rights. I want to exhale my offenses. I want to release my unforgiveness. Things I hold onto because I've been hurt and mistreated. I want a softer heart. More gentle. But not foolish.
Underneath, I don't want to compromise.
Heartbreak warfare. Kinda.
I say "kinda" because even though on the surface it hurts and my emotions are slightly raging...
Underneath, I feel ok.
Underneath, You are my Hope.
Underneath, I'm excited about your promises. Your plans for me. My future in You.
Underneath, I believe in more...better. I believe that what You have for me won't even compare to all of this.
Underneath, I look forward to Your blessings! Your mind and heart. I look forward to freedom.
Underneath, I'm thankful for You. Thankful for Your Love toward me. Your affections. Your Grace!!
I'm thankful for Your Son, even though I don't fully understand what He did and what it meant. My mind can't wrap around it.
I'm thankful that You give me what I need.
I'm thankful for access to Your Holy Spirit.
And thankful that You have begun to open up Truth to me.
I'm thankful that You're making me even when I doubt. Even when I can't see. Even when I'm distracted. You're there. You're there when I come back.
Underneath all of this, I really Love You. I really long for You. I long to have this pile lifted off of my heart and be wrapped up in each other.
I feel it. I know it's there. I know that it exists!
Underneath, I feel it. Like this magnetic pull, deep within me. I feel you drawing me and I feel my depths drawing You. I feel it in my breath when I sit still long enough. Us. Hope. Living Hope.
Underneath, nothing else matters. No situation. No accusation. No worry.
The distractions are loud. They drown us out.
Nothing else matters underneath. But everything matters on top.
It's so chaotic up there. So confusing. So painful. So consuming.
I have to fight harder for what's underneath. For Us. For that magnetic pull.
The place where You are all that matters.
Because You alone are good! You hold everything that is truly beautiful. You are Peace and Joy. Raw. You are Mercy and Forgiveness. You are Grace. You are Heaven. Pure and Perfect. You are not darkness. Hurt. Unforgiveness. Unrighteousness. Insecurity. Sickness. Not You.
You open the door. You call us Home. You long for us.
There's no carnality or flesh mixed in. You only produce one kind of fruit.
Underneath, I long to be humble and focused and selfless, like Yeshua. It wasn't about Him. Even though it was all about Him. The Father's will was His concern. He had no rights. No ego. He was an enemy to Your enemy. To evil. To what stands in between You and Your people. Not to take mere people down. But to take down principalities...kingdoms. To set people FREE. Not to prove that he was the Messiah or that He was right. He came as Light.
I want to know more about this Father. I want it to burn in me! I want to be an enemy to Your enemy. Not a friend! I want to give up my rights! Hands up before You...I want to give up my rights. I want to exhale my offenses. I want to release my unforgiveness. Things I hold onto because I've been hurt and mistreated. I want a softer heart. More gentle. But not foolish.
Underneath, I don't want to compromise.
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