He picked up the pieces...

How hungry I was when I asked.
You to break my heart.
When I asked You to shatter it into pieces.
How hard parts of it felt.
How desperate I was for compassion to sit in the center of me.
True compassion.
How exposed I sat.
Looking at myself.
Looking at You.
How strong the Longing was.
To hold You close.
Touching.
Embracing.
Melting into each other.
Our breath One.
Hungry out of my mind.
For more.
Not satisfied.
Because I saw what could be.
Not settling.
Not compromising.
How easy it sometimes can be.
But I was hungry out of my mind.
And calling out.
To be broken.
To be soft.
To be strong.
Real strength.
That comes from my bones.
Those that hold me up.
Those that aren't seen.
Now here I stand looking down.
At my heart on the floor.
Broken into pieces.
Won't You help me pick them up?
And You answered "Don't touch them."
I looked up in question.
You continued "I will do it."
I saw the warmth in Your eyes.
The comfort in your gaze at me.
I saw the deep Love.
And I knew what You meant.
I knew it was the answer to my prayers.
That You would pick up the pieces.
And put them back together.
Intrictly, like You do.
Perfectly, like Your Love for me.
My pain evaporated in that moment.
The pain of a shattered heart.
The ache of a weary mind.
I saw You pick up my heart.
I saw you Love me.
I saw Hope.
You said "it's not over yet, my child."
"But if you remember the warmth in My eyes,
if you remember the comfort in My gaze,
you will find relief. You will find My Love.
You will find Strength. You will have Hope."
He grabbed my hand.
And as He grabbed my hand, I let go a little more.
I took another step forward.
I told Him how uncomfortable change is.
He told me about birth.
How beautiful it is yet so agonizing.
And we both smiled. And kept going.
Together.
"Thank You for Hope, Dad."

MLB

I love Your heart Jehovah Impossible!

I LOVE YOUR HEART, 4/11/11. Featuring Jehovah Impossible.

Happy Birthday to my friend and sister Taisha! I am so thankful for your life! I know how important and special you and your life is to God.

This is such a powerful witness of His Heart! Without Him, she wouldn't be here, period. Without Him, she wouldn't be in my life. And I can't imagine that.

Thank You Jehovah Impossible!

Written by witness and sister-in-law Michelle Martini (2007)
Taisha Hallman has been completely delivered from the “street lifestyle” and everything that goes along with it. She was in the critical care unit given a 20% chance of living. She was two hours away from death. She had a $700-a-day drug addiction to Oxy Contin, Roxy Contin and crack cocaine. She was shooting up for 2 years, had been on Oxy and Roxy Contin for 4 years, had smoked crack for two years, and was living on the streets of New Castle, Pennsylvania. She is 20 years old. She was in the hospital with a staph infection in her blood stream, Endocarditis (an enlarged heart), a staph infection collected in her knee, and an operation to scrape staph from both lungs. Chest tubes were inserted to drain the liquid from her lungs. On the day she was released to home care, she listened to about 10 minutes of the revelatory Word of God (”The Eyes to See” teaching by Prophet Mike Petro) and she made the decision to get the spirit of addiction out of her. She arrived at Forerunner Ministry church service in the middle of deep worship to the Messiah and immediately felt the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. She felt a burning through her body and at that moment, Prophet Mike declared the Lord was going to bring His Healing. Taisha was touched by the Holy Spirit and there were three spirits that had manifested in her belly which immediately left under the AWESOME AUTHORITY OF the Lord Jesus Christ.
She has been completely delivered from street drugs, cigarettes, and the “street lifestyle.” The doctors had run tests on her heart and it is back to its normal size and working the way it should. They were amazed that her heart had healed so quickly. Praise God! His revelation brings true healing and true FREEDOM to His children. Taisha has received a prophetic word that she will be going into the nations to declare God’s glory and show His Mighty power to people all over the world.

I like your heart, 4/10/11

I like your heart: food for thought, 4/10/11. Featuring Jimmie Altman.

LORD send-your rain, wash away the-lies/
Uncover our ref-uge, remove the veil from our-eyes/
Expose all of our idols, break the soul ties/
Make us your-disciples, let your son-rise/ into our
Hearts, breaking the dark-ness, king of glory/
How could I ever stumble, if I keep you before me/
And behind me guarding my rear, your glory is my defense/
I hum-ble myself and You keep my mind in suspense/
Ex-piating the things that seem to go a-gainst/
The kingdom of the light and our king is so immense/
The wise brought Him gold and myrhh plus frankincense/
And now I’m convinced, because what He did, He lives, so we may exist/
The gist of this redemption was captured when Abraham/
Was ready kill his son, but Jehovah gave up the lamb/
A ram caught in a thicket, a Man scarred four sickness/
Boar our sins in His body, this is more than conviction/
This His loving-kindness, healer of all addictions/
I lose my mind for your glory, LORD send me out as your witness/
Please get this…

Rearranging with Hope.

Rearranging with Hope. 4/3/11

I felt change today.
It hurt.
Tore at my heart.
Caused tears to pour down my cheeks.
I felt a rearranging within me.
How uncomfortable.
I want comfort.
I want what has been.
The way things were.
The arrangement before things started to move around.
I want to hold on.
I won't let go!
Then the King of my heart walked in.
And told me it was going to be ok.
He reminded me of why things NEEDED to change.
He told me the new arrangement would be better.
I believed Him.
I wrapped my arms around Him and held Him close to me.
Hope.
He helps me to see.
That change isn't always easy.
But it's what's meant to be.
It's hard to let go.
Of what's been comfortable in me.
And around me.
But the future is bright.
He lit up the road ahead for me.
And He let me see.
The past was a stepping stone.
Never a permanent arrangement.
Things are always changing.
He helped me to see.
The changes get me to there.
Where I'm meant to be.
So if I don't let go.
I'll be stuck on a stepping stone.
I won't be able to see ahead.
At a future so bright.
Comfort will swallow me up.
I'll reject the change.
I'll settle.
It can't be an option.
Something to even ponder.
Because the King of my heart has a place for me.
It's bright.
It's Him.
So I'll feel the pain.
I'll let my heart be torn.
I'll embrace the tears on my cheeks.
I'll allow myself to weep.
I'll say goodbye to the old arrangement.
I'll mourn.
And then I'll take a step uncomfortably.
As Hope holds me.
And reminds me.
It's what's meant to be.
And He says "wait one more thing!"
He tells me He really Loves me.
I said "I know...
I remember.
You were there holding me when I left my family."
Hope.
Ahead.

MLB

The mask....

Yesterday, when I was leaving the library, this kid asked me for a ride. He was poor. Lacking natural and spiritual nessecities. You could just feel and sense it. While we were in the car, we were conversating, and he said "are you a christian?" And I said 'yeah." And he said "are you perfect?" And I said "no!!! far from it!"

It really killed me that he said that. And I gotta be honest, sometimes, I really despise the word 'perfect' because of what religion has made and percevied it as. It makes people like him feel like he isn't good enough in "our" eyes. When the reality is, God Loves him so much. Even in that state. On drugs. Homeless. Broken. It makes him think people like me, look down on him. And I HATE it. I hate that religion has made people "act" perfect. Making sure everything lines up to what they think 'perfect" is. On the road to heaven, right? God, pleased with them. And displeased with trash like him. Or people that aren't turning to the Lord and "acting " perfect too. (I am not calling him trash...I'm saying that's what some people would characterize him as.) And it gives him this false image of God and makes him not want that...not want God. Which I don't blame him at all! When we act "perfect" or portray this image of perfect by "trying " to please God and follow His rules...it's really fake. Because our nature is not perfect. So as we do that...we are really giving glory to ourSELVES. Not to God. When we begin to give ourSELVES to God and allow Him in our hearts and allow Him to unveil Himself to us, there will be an INWARD transformation. It won't be a show. It won't be a desperate attemp to try and please God and be something infront of man. What pleases God is when He can have us with Him. When we give Him our hearts and minds as a sacrifice. In a secret place. In an intimate place. Not trying to prove anything. Except that you are nothing without Him. That you fall short. And love conditionally. That you have hurt people. And don't really know how to forgive though you want to so badly. That you don't react to people in a loving way at times. And your patience is running thin. When we "act" perfect infront of people when we really aren't...we are being fake and making people feel where you are compared to them is so far away and impossible for them. That they can't possibly walk that walk too. Especially because the bondage and oppression they are in...that holds them down and makes them already feel worthless and like they just can't do anything. The torah (LAW) wasn't something that the Israelites were supposed to follow. It is IMPOSSIBLE! To try and be perfect. To do this and that on our own. To Love and be kind and forgive and be meek and act the right way in every situation. Even though it's our intention. The torah (LAW) was supposed to be the image of God. Written on our hearts. An unveiling of Him. The sacrifice being...this is what I think I know...this is who I am (underneath the mask I put on for everyone else). PLEASE show me YOU! And change me! To be good for people. Show me YOUR Love! Show me what 'perfect' is to you. THAT is pleasing to Him. When we lay it all down. When we surrender. Hey, I've put on masks before. I have a couple. Because my burning desire and intention is to be and do what's right. But In reality...I am NOT perfect. So I had to make a choice to want to throw those masks away. So He could change my face. So people can see the real me. And Him IN me. So they can see what I am not and what He is...and what we are TOGETHER. So they feel like they too can make it. That God loves them. And that it's not always gonna be easy. BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
MLB

So, come up out of there!

Food for thought. 3/26/11 am.

God doesn't jugde us like "people" do. Just wanted everyone to know that. Because I think our view of God and His Love is so marred because we bring Him down to us and equate His Love with the way other people treat us and judge us, accuse us and critisize us. Like we are supposed to already be perfect. And like the one judging is alr...eady perfect and has the log out of their eye. That's why God's judgement is different. Because He is perfect and He does have the log out of His eye. Because He doesn't judge out of a cold, hard, fragile, injured by life, human heart. His judgement comes from a pure and holy heart that desires us more than we can fathom and desires us to be safe so much it hurts Him. God takes into consideration that we aren't yet, but desires with His whole heart that we get there. Because "perfect" is really being with Him on a very intimate level. Like after a son goes off to war, and after years of being across seas, he comes home for good. And his parents meet him at the airport and wrap their arms around him and sob. Because he is home. Safe. With them. God wants us where we experience freedom and unconditional Love. Where our wounds and voids that we sometimes act of, are healed. And I think people would stop judging so much if they would just let God's Love in. Because when they don't turn to His Love and allow him to show them the heavens and earth through His eyes...we are easily let down by others time and time again. Satan is two things....an accuser and an adversary. He doesn't Love. And we can't let ourselves believe that when people act out of those two things...that is who and how GOD is. God is not man. He is not the first Adam. Does He want to Love through us? Ofcourse!! He does and he will even more. It might be a good thing, to start looking within ourselves at the places where we don't Love like Him and allow Him in and take us through a process of deliverence and transformation, so our heart turns into His. Instead of pointing out where everyone else doesn't Love right. Or act according to our standards. Only because if we focus so much on that, it cements our feet in a place where we totally miss the One who Loves us the most. And, it doesn't help people. It hurts them more, leaving them where they are at. It's not a hand that reaches out. Or a Loving affection on that person that wants good for that person. We are supposed to be made in God's image. And people are su[posed to look at us and see Him. But until there's a greater manifestation of that...we need to be able to tell the difference. We need to know how much he Loves us. How much he wants us. What His intentions are for us and our lives. We don't want to turn to something that looks like the way we have been treated by "man". We have to know that God is so much greater. That we can trust Him. Above all. We won't be so hard on others if we do. Because we aren't trying to get that from them. We get it from God. And we are able to Love others no matter what. Not just when they Love us back. And when they are acting "perfect" toward us. We Love them unconditionally, and the salvations of their soul means more to us then anything. Disclaimer...I'm not AT ALL perfect. I love conditionally and I judge at times. But I am so sick of it. There are times I do equate God's Love with the way "man" is. Bringing Him down here, like He is like us. But I know within my heart...I believe that He isn't. And I want you to, too. I want that lie and false image of Him shattered. If we only knew His Love for us. His plan for our lives. How great it is. How much better and liberating it is then any other plan for our life. If we only knew how much He Loved us, we would know how much he Loves others. Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. Higher than any other! Our God is healer, awesome in power! God's judgement is His love. It comes out of His heart for us to be free from all that oppresses us and is trying to Spiritually kill us and others. His judgement comes to free us. Not put us in prison. Locked behind bars of unforgiveness. His judgement comes to open our eyes and awaken us. It comes as a hand that says "Come up out of there." So, come up out of there! My Lord, reveal yourself to your people! And let that be a hand that lifts them up. As they see You for who You really are...unveiled...not marred....let that Save them from everything that tries to take them away from You. All that tries to lead them to destruction. All that is no good for their soul. Breathe on them! Breathe on us! Show us unconditional Love. That we would receieve and give. THANKS AND GIVING. Amen.

 

This is where healing begins...

Whoa. Glad this video has the lyrics. Cuz you gotta catch em while the song is runnin...

This is where I'm at. Right smack-dab in the middle.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark